2013-01-06

Women on the Fence

I’m home this weekend spending time with family and friends. Its nice being around people that want to hang out. During lunch my friend and I brought up the topic of what interests us the most: women. Now I have had some experience in the game. Yes, it is a game. Pick up your joystick. Because even if you don’t want to play, women will just play it without you. Its the opposite of guys playing “Call of Duty.” That’s a game men are all into, but there’s one minor difference. Playstation III does not give you any nooky or the possibility of a family. For that, you have to play the game and you have to play it well. Kill streaks or cheat codes don’t work here.

Everyone has been in the game whether they like it or not. I have been in the game and have failed miserably. I can say that I know what it means to be lame, for a girl not have any interest in you, and the best ways to turn a girl off. But in the process of my failure I have learned and acquired some useful knowledge. Since this post in generally about the game, I will put a notice for anyone woman or man who proceeds. For the women, have fun reading it. For the men, use this knowledge to the best of your advantage.

So the topic that came up for discussion was what we termed “chicks on the fence.” These are women that are interested, maybe intrigued, in you. However, for whatever reason, the relationship is not going in the direction you hoped or envisioned. I would say that is the first problem. Don’t have any expectations. If you are interested, you are interested, nothing more, nothing less. That’s as far as it should go. If she is interested, that’s good, but the relationship will only go so far as you both take it. It’s not a one person show. Best expectation to have is none at all.

Now, why did we call it “chicks on a fence?” That’s because the woman is interested but she is still “on the fence,” not to sure how she likes you. Hopefully at this point you have no expectations still. Where the conversation got interesting is when the woman pulls out the “friend card.” How do you play this? Most guys just get angry because they don’t want to be in the “friend zone.” Don’t fear it, embrace it. Huh? The dreaded “friend zone” is really not that bad, like how they make it out to be in the movies. It’s all in how you play it. Next time she says, “let’s just be friends,” you say, “I was thinking the same thing.” Huh?

The “friend zone” is more of less a woman’s way of saying she is not sure. It can also be a woman’s way of saying she is not interested in you “in that way.” However, if she likes in you in any type of way, friend or romantically, that still means you have the opportunity to win her over in-time, just not right away. That’s because if she hangs out with you, you at least can know that she had the discretion to not hang out with you, but chose to hang out instead. On some level, however minutely, she likes you in some way. It depends in how you shape and mold the “like” into something more. If you want to have something more.

This is where it gets interesting. You have to know the background of the woman friend you are dating or just hanging out with. Just getting out of a relationship? Long-term? Short-term? Short-time but she built it up in her mind as a long-term? That all plays a part in her perception of you as a man. If she says “let’s be friends” and she is just a cool girl that has not had her heart broken, go with it and just have fun with her. Have no expectations but in the process of hanging out you should take steps to prove yourself as a potential mate. Don’t ask her why she doesn’t like you. Build yourself into a man where she begins to ask, “why NOT him.”

This differs from a woman that has been in a long-term or a potential long-term relationship. When she says, “friend,” she is really unsure about you and also you’re not even on her radar yet. She is still caught up on the other dude she was with but enjoys being around you because you kind of make her forget about the other dude. Not a particularly good position to be in but if she wants to hang out, you still have one foot in the door, even if she is trying dead-bolt it on your foot. These women do not want to open up, don’t want to really be in something they don’t have their heart in. And you shouldn’t either. You should be in a relationship where she is in to you. That is what makes the “friend zone” beneficial because even as you hang out and get to know her, you can figure out whether you really like her or not.  Then you can really decide whether you will pursue it and she can decide over time if she is interested too. See, it works out for everybody.

Which leads us to the conclusion. In both cases you have to get the women to say, “why NOT you.” Women are very smart and they think about things fifty million times and in 100 million different ways. They have created in their mind a blueprint for what the future looks like for them and the type of man they want to spend it with. It comes down to whether they see you as the person that can shape that future with them. You can’t push the “women on the fence” to make a decision. That would be domestic violence. But you make your side of the fence appealing. So start cutting the grass and fixing up the house. It’s as much about the side of the fence that appeals to her as it is about her knowing there is a man, a home, and future there.